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Friday, May 28, 2010

One In the Same

I like to hear about recovery. We all know how to use and all have the same war stories. I don't enjoy hearing those stories. They are worthless and should be let go. We will never forget them, but we don't have to dwell on them. See, I have a lot in common with addicts from all walks of life. Same situation, same problem, different object(s) addicted to. I can't arrest your problem, but I can arrest mine. Handcuffs and thrown in the back of the cop car. I'm taking my addiction to the holding cell. Facing the judge, my addiction is sentenced to life without parole.

JOB 32:20

I must speak and find relief; I must open my lips and reply.

I was quit about my addiction. I didn't admit I was an addict until last August after ten years of drug and alcohol addiction. If I do not reply to God's word, who will hear me? Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ, and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for allowing me to hear You and speak Your words.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Roots and Ladders

I'm going to call it the Progressive Ladder. Associated with other terms such as "the gateway drug" and "addiction substitute", this instance of addiction can be traced to many addicts, including myself. In many cases the root starts out with nicotine or caffeine (two legal and less mild stimulants). Then it goes to some more socially accepted drugs, such as alcohol or marijuana(or Mr. Smiley). Then the next step is one or the other of the beforehand two. On up the ladder, and more powerful drugs come into play such as cocaine, crack, heroin, meth, exstacy, oxycontin, and vicodin. Some only do one of these, while some do a couple and a few addicts do every and any drug they can get their hands on.

The acute link of this term is that it doesn't always happen over a length or period of time. It can happen in one night. An addict can start off my chugging a Mountain Dew. They then get the energy to go out and drink some alcohol. Next thing you know, they are smoking a joint. And then it's off to the races to get the "good stuff". The irony of it all is that the addict woke up that morning not intending to relapse.


Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!

I was alone. I didn't think I needed anybody to help me up. But God showed me He is a friend no matter what. Unconditional friendship and love is unparalleled. Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for helping me up.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Split Second

I just got putting in a 16.75 hour day. What fun, but this was good for me. I went to the Indiana Auditor's conference as we were hosting a dinner for some of our customers. There were quite a few people drinking including customers and employees, about one-hundred in all. I was able to abstain from drinking and also drove everybody home from Fort Wayne. Drinking lemonade, I was able to have fun without being drunk. It's important for me to realize that I can have fun staying sober. I need to get some sleep as it's almost one in the morning and I need to be at work at seven-thirty in the morning. Good night and sober tight.

PSALM 143:10

Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God; may Your good Spirit lead me on level ground.

When I was using, I didn't want God to teach me, I thought I could teach God. Thank You God, Lord Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for showing me that You are my teacher. Lead me to do Your will.

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

As We Conquer

Intriguingly so, the question to the answer awaits in the hearts of angels. All around the globe there is addiction afflicting many nations and cultures. Rampant so that poverty and disease spread like dandelions. Anything can be arrested, but correcting the erroneous behavior is only done where written so is practiced through the word of God. Nonetheless, treating a disease as a personality will further damage the recovery. Tonight I know where my heart is. It's beating in the hand of God.


All a man's ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the Lord.

There used to be ulterior motives to my ways when I was chasing my next high. Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for allowing my ways to be direct and in the eyes of You.

Monday, May 24, 2010

Eye On the Prize

I know this is what is going to happen. I'm going to remain sober abstaining from drugs and not giving in to temptation. Moving forward and not stumbling backwards into the past. Remembrance of dark times clouded by violent storms and violet promises. Red for the intensity of the pain and blue for the wave of deceit. Having a memory of what was and how bad it was. Thoughts of how good it can be and how deep I need to see. No time for lackluster finishes and spotted cleanings. Washing away the heat and welcoming the cool breeze. My retina relaxes and a mist uncovers a rebirth.

PSALM 107:42

The upright see and rejoice, but all the wicked shut their mouths.

When I was living in sin, I did not speak of God, I could not see him. Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ, and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for showing me You and allowing me to open my mouth to praise Your glory.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Sun Rays

Went to the beach today and really enjoyed the warmth. It's nice to absorb the sun's light and feel the relaxation. I once heard that Vitamin D is very good for the health overall and the sun provides a plethora of it. Today was also Pentecost Sunday. A very important day as The Holy Spirit came today. At service today, I closed my eyes and praying could feel The Holy Spirit go through my body. It was like a body weaving through my soul. Replenishing The Holy Spirit is revitalizing. It can re-charge the mind and body, just like the sun. Shine upon me Holy Spirit. Light my path.


Evil men do not understand justice, but those who seek the Lord understand it fully.

When I was full of sin, I thought I was above justice, in the legal system and with God. Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for allowing me understand justice and abide by Your rules.

Saturday, May 22, 2010

Absent Time

This one thing was digging into my thoughts. I kept thinking how great it was to be sober. That's the realization. I know was needs to be done. I just can't slip into that lull where I forgot how I got here. Next thing ya know, God becomes an afterthought instead of a constant ruler. The things He knows are infinite and they can not be defined. I now have to think of time as a precursor to how much elapsed between relapses so that it is a non-factor. The calendar is irrelevant as long as two things happen. I love God and I share that I love God.

JOB 38:19

"What is the way to the abode of light? And where does darkness reside?

The darkness definitely resides in addiction. Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ, and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for showing me where darkness resides.

Friday, May 21, 2010


Today is twenty days clean for me. From my analysis and personal experience, the next ten days will be the hardest to stay clean. There is a "honeymoon" period of about twenty days that takes place first. Now comes the re-toxification effect. The brain realizes that most of the chemical is gone from the body and therefore the possibility of quitting for good is much higher than ever before. The brain doesn't want this. Chemically, the brain wants to feel the euphoria and tries harder than ever to do so at this time. But the trick is the brain can be trained. As individuals, we learn by repitition and practice. We practiced and repeated getting high, becoming addicted. Therefore, by practicing and repeating staying clean, we will become sober. Now the most important aspect of all is to allow God to give us strength because without Him, the devil will take advantage of our weakness. It's not a receipe for success, just a step closer to reaching out and touching the sun.


Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.

When I admitted that I was an addict was the moment I stopped hating correction. This was a big step for me getting clean and I will forever remember this. Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ, and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for allowing me to acknowledge knowledge and discipline.

Thursday, May 20, 2010


Today I saw a movie that was very good. I recommend it to all people, addicts and non-addicts. It was the story of Bill W., one of the co-founders of AA. I noticed a myriad of similarities between his life and mine. In fact, most addicts live similar lives and have similar war stories and ups and downs. The craziest thing of all is the parallel structure of the recovery process. It seems that it is different for everybody, but at the same time the similar. God is the ultimate healer. If God is not present, one will not recover. They may be abstinent, but inside they have not fully recovered. That was me. Now is we.


Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.

Take it one day at a time. Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for allowing me to take it one day at a time.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Solo Hide and Seek

This is the second of two posts for tonight. The previous one from last night is titled "Passed Out".

I had to find myself as I was lost. I had hid from myself and I couldn't be found. It was dark and I could barely see. Then a light shined upon me and there I was, standing alone no more with the hand of God on my shoulder. He forgave me and He did not scorn me. He showed me a path and guided me down it. Amazing as it seems, He was there all along. I was hiding from Him too. Scared to let go of the devil, scared that the devil would take away the things he had shown me and got me addicted to. The drugs had the power. But it was an empty power. The batteries had gone dead. I guess you could say I won the game of hide and seek when I found myself. But the real victory goes to God.

ISAIAH 43:10

"You are my witnesses," declares the Lord, "and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe Me and understand that I am He. Before Me no god was formed, nor will there be one after me.

Such strong words for God. He is the creator and no one will ever overthrow his throne. Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ, and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for allowing me to know that I am Your witness.

Passed Out

Last night I fell asleep in the recliner and almost forgot to do my blog. I wrote it in my journal instead and decided to post it tonight. This will be the first of two posts tonight. I was half asleep when I wrote it, so if it doesn't make sense to you, it wasn't supposed to.

A sadness may be overcome but happiness will overcome all. This can not be discounted nor ignored. I know I will be there for the fireworks and cake. I must not falter or sway in the devil's favor. He will sneak up from behind. Between the eyes, I will strike him and send him stumbling back. This is the power of God. He will show me the inner strength and I will let it grow like ivy.

PSALM 115:1

Not to us, O Lord, not to us but to Your name be the glory, because of Your love and faithfulness.

God is faithful and has taught me this trait towards other people. I am grateful for is God showing me faithfulness. I wasn't faithful to God when I deserted him many years ago. Today, I stand corrected. Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for Your love and faithfulness.

Monday, May 17, 2010


All of this junk and turmoil has hardened my skin but not my soul. I know what to expect, but it's how to prepare for the expected that can get tricky. I know I'm ready for the change and the metamorphosis has already began to blossom. But this is not the butterfly effect, rather a volcanic eruption of faith. It's a long time coming and God's will. Why would I deny it? The first thing I need to know is not zero but one. That's where it starts for me because zeros hurt the recovery point average (RPA) and negatives go backwards. I want to score a hundred percent on this test. Like a piece of fossilized volcanic rock, it will be hard to break this will with a high powered drill. And I'm not drilling for oil.


Who should not revere you, O King of the nations? This is Your due. Among all the wise men of the nations and in all their kingdoms, there is no one like You.

The wisest of all is God. His word is always true, there is no false. Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for showing me Your wisdom and truth.

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Mind Set

I have to be in this mindset. It's the mindset of not wanting to use. Not having the desire. I feel good, I've made it farther than I did last time days wise. This is my fifteenth day. Half a month and I can't lax on my recovery. I must keep working at it and never ever give up.

This weekend I helped a friend who has a landscaping business. It was very rewarding to get out in the fresh air and do some physical labor. We cleared out about two acres of field that the owner of the property had let go for a few years. I was using a high powered lawn mower than can cut down small trees, I believe they are called brush mowers. I got a good workout and am sore everywhere. But like I said, this was good for me to get out and stay busy.


The Lord reigns forever; he has established His throne for judgment.

Only God can judge me. Thank You God, Thank Lord Jesus Christ, and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for letting me know only You can judge me.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Stealing From Yourself

When I did drugs, I was only stealing from myself. Shelling out countless amounts of money for something that lasted only a night. Alot of addicts blame the drug dealers for robbing them. That is their profession, they are independent contractors if you will. I dont condone their behavior or their profession nor is it legal or moral. They take money for a good. The black market could not get any blacker, but hence the name, it speaks for itself. There is another market in this world. Lets say we call it the white market. God's market is full of goods, but they don't cost a penny. God's goods dont last a day or two, they last forever. It's an open market where the merchants are not looking for a profit, but only a return. How ironic. A wise woman (My grandmother) once told me that money is the root of all evil. That's why I'm not bothered by spending the money I did. I will make more money. The money I spent was used on evil deeds. It can not replaced but replenished. Money doesn't grow on trees, it sprouts from the ground like weeds.

JOB 22:21

Submit to God and be at peace with him; in this way prosperity will come to you.

I wish not to be wealthy but prosperous. Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for allowing me to be at peace with You.

Friday, May 14, 2010


I've put on my fatigues for this war. The battle is already underway and the allies have been set. Weapons aside, the real fight draws out upon this world we call Earth. Wars are not won on the front lines, but behind the scenes. Without either, we would have nor a winner or a loser. I'm fatigued as this war has taken alot out of me. I must sustain and keep on trucking. Strength can be injected via God.


At the end of that time, I, Nebuchadnezzar, raised my eyes toward heaven, and my sanity was restored. Then I praised the Most High; I honored and glorified Him who lives forever. His dominion is an eternal domination; His kingdom endures from generation to generation.

Strong words for a strong war. Who do you think will win in the end? Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ, and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for allowing me to pass Your kingdom from generation to generation.

Thursday, May 13, 2010


The current of faith currently going through my body is unparalleled and it's a shocker that I didn't know better before. But how could I? When I plug in to God, He will fill me with His electricity. This is the light. This is why I fight. Luckily, I wasn't shocked to death by the devil for he could have done so with no regard and left me electrocuted on the ground. But it wasn't just a flick of the switch as a new switch had to be installed altogether. When I shut the lights off at night, I now know God is with me. This sends a chill up my spine. But it is not the flow but the intensity of the voltage. God's voltage.

PROVERBS 1:20-21

Wisdom calls aloud in the street, she raises her voice in the public squares;

Knowledge and Wisdom are everywhere, it's what I choose to listen to and understand that makes the difference between hearing and understanding wisdom. Rejecting wisdom can have dire consequences. Especially God's wisdom. Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ, and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for allowing me to understand and apply Your wisdom.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010


I can see through my eyes, but can I see through God the world that awaits me? You see, if I start to live through my own eyes, my thoughts and actions will become selfish. I know this because I've done it for almost eleven years. Chasing the dream will only complicate the process of achieving the dream. I am near-sighted, but up close everything is clear, for afar the cloudiness remains confusing. This is where I need help seeing. The blind stares of a million eyes will not help, but God's vision is twenty-twenty. So I'm going to go ahead and keep my God goggles on, for I may run into something and stumble.

JOEL 2:11

The Lord thunders at the head of his army; his forces are beyond number, and mighty are those who obey his command. The day of the Lord is great; it is dreadful. Who can endure it?

Who can endure it? That is the challenge to the question only a man or woman can answer themselves. Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for making me a part of Your army.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010


I know I have to live a stable life. Nobody should have to live an unstable life full of surprises. The pitfalls of going to where you need to go can cause your rope to break. That's where the skill comes into play. But is it skill or is it will? That's where a balance has to be achieved that can even out the playing field. A skill is something you can do at work. Will is what you do with your life. But living life can require skill and will. So lets call it skwill. A skilled person and a willed person is dually respected. But the essence of it all is that it is God's will and God who supplies the skill.


He follows my decrees and faithfully keeps my laws. That man is righteous; he will surely live, declares the Sovereign Lord.

I was on the path to jail or death. Either one is not living. I want to live. Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for allowing me to live and showing me Your decrees and laws.

Monday, May 10, 2010

In Perspective

Today, I am eight days clean, fifteen minutes away from nine days clean. But I am much farther than that. I must not think that way, but let this happen. Today, I can say I'm a better person. I can say I know who I am, and that would be expected. But if I say I am not who I am, that's who I was. The perfect example can not be achieved and should not be anticipated. I was taught that patience is a virtue. So to adhere to that principle would be beneficial not only to myself, but to who I am. A lot happens in a day, but the task of laying down at night and putting the day in retrospect is effective in concocting a positive mental state. To wake up the next day and open my eyes with no regrets is priceless. As is my life. As is your life. As is our life. As is His life.

ISAIAH 51:15-16

For I am the Lord your God, who churns up the sea so that its waves roar - the Lord Almighty is his name. I have put My words in your mouth and covered you with the shadow of My hand - I who set the heavens in place, who laid the foundations of the earth, and who say to Zion, "You are My people."

Everything. All of this. Everywhere, is the Lord. Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for covering me with Your shadow and putting Your words in my mouth.

Sunday, May 9, 2010

Past the History

It is this that I love. And this being a whole bunch of things. Right now, I am feeling every bit of oneness. A path is open now and I walk down it. Looking through the tree tops to see the sunlight glimmering through the leaves. The breeze touches my face and I close my eyes. I open them now and I can see the stars fading in and out across the noir sky. This is my destiny, the path I was supposed to lead. Stronger. Wiser. More Disciplined. But still learning, taking it a step at a time. The stairs will lead me to the Light.

ISAIAH 43:18-19

"Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.

Memories will not be forgotten, but will eventually fade away. I will not dwell in the past, I can not dwell in the past. I will live for today. Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ, and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for allowing me to live today and not dwell on the past.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

A Constant Variable

God never changes. He remains the same. It is we who have to make the changes assigned to our destiny. A life performed by an outside source will most likely encourage an alternate route. Together, we make innocence the main objective while guilt haunts the soul and should be avoided. This is how to step forward in the right direction and look to the side for reasurrance.


And there before me was the glory of the God of Israel, as in the vision I had seen in the plain.

If I can vision the Lord, He will be there standing before me. Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ, and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for standing before me.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Beyond the Mirror

Sometimes we are blinded by what we can not see. The afterthought of what we just experienced is masked by the artful mastery of reflection. Upon which image we choose to see is of our own desire. Complacent in our actions, taking charge is not merely an option. Limiting interference can clear up the signal meant to reach our senses. So as far as we can reach, the hand of the Lord will break through glass and not be cut to reach our hand. For it is not I who should see myself, but a glimpse of Light refracted to heal shines upon me.

PSALM 125:3

The scepter of the wicked will not remain over the land allotted to the righteous, for then the righteous might use their hands to do evil.

My hands were used to do evil when I was using. Right now I am using my hands in the opposite way to carry the message of the Lord. Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for ridding my hands of evil ways.

Thursday, May 6, 2010

One is too Many

There is a saying out there. One is too many and a thousand is never enough. This applies to drugs for the addict and can also reflect other avenues of life. Even lying. Today I got caught up in a lie. I feel awful, not only because the lie was meaningless and not even necessary, but I threw my cousin under the bus unjustly and hurt my ex-fiancee even more. I told her that my cousin asked me to drink last Saturday night, when in-fact it was me who asked him. Why did I lie about this? Because I tried to blank out the memory in my head of me wanting to drink when I knew I couldn't drink. Being ashamed, I took the devil's route. I can not be a Godly man if I am still lying. Even if it is a small lie. A lie is a lie. And the devil is a liar.


This is the word that came to Jeremiah from the Lord: "Stand at the gate of the Lords house and there proclaim this message: "Hear the word of the Lord, all you people of Judah who come through these gates to worship the Lord. This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Isreal, says: Reform your ways and your actions, and I will let you live in this place. Do not trust in deceptive words and say, "This is the temple of the Lord, the temple of the Lord, the temple of the Lord!" If you really change your ways and your actions and deal with each other justly, if you do not oppress the alien, the fatherless or the widow and do not shed innocent blood in this place, and if you do not follow other gods to your own harm, then I will let you live in this place, in the land I have your forefathers for ever and ever. But look, you are trusting in deceptive words that are worthless.

I need to search my soul for any lies that I have spoken and come clean to those I have lied to. Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ, and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for allowing me to be honest. Thank You for allowing me to tell the truth.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Keep Going

I am very tired tonight for some reason. I'll be in bed by 10PM tonight and I almost didn't write tonight. But it's moments like these that I need to fight through and do what's right. Last night I began to read the book of Proverbs from the beginning. Wisdom and discipline. I'm going to end this short tonight. But please reflect on those two words. Wisdom and discipline.

ISAIAH 12:1-3

In that day you will say: "I will praise you, O Lord, although you were angry with me, your anger has turned away and you have comforted me. Surely God is my salvation; I will trust and not be afraid. The Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation." With you you will draw water from the wells of salvation.

I will trust in the Lord. I will not be afraid. Your salvation Lord will bring my strength and my song to You from You. Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for today.

I found this song to write to tonight. I love it!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

The Streets Talk

In this glorious world of ours that we have taken for granted, there is hope. Not all is lost. The recent leaking oil in our precious ocean from the oil rig that exploded will have a profound effect on our nation, environment, and economy. We can't fear for the worst, we have to pray for the best.

Today I did some street ministry, which consisted of walking the streets and handing out prayer cards to individuals and putting the prayer cards on door knobs. I absolutely loved it. I saw a lot. I saw myself in these people, every single one of them. I could feel certain houses or individuals where there was darkness (especially drug use). I was encouraged to pray for the light to come and replace the darkness, and so I did. Every step I took on the walk, I could feel myself walking closer to God and farther away from the devil.

HAGGAI 2:6-9

This is what the Lord Almighty says: 'In a little while I will once more shake the heavens and the earth, the sea and the dry land. I will shake all nations, and the desired of all nations will come, and I will fill this house with glory,' says the Lord Almighty. The silver is mine and the gold is mine,' declares the Lord Almighty, 'The glory of this present house will be greater than the glory of the former house,' says the Lord Almighty. 'And in this place I will grant peace,' declares the Lord Almighty.

The Lord will grant peace in this house. He will fill this house with glory. Thank You God, Thank You Lord Jesus Christ, and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for allowing me to spread Your word. There was great joy in my act of faith today. It is not me who is important, but You.

Monday, May 3, 2010

The Beautiful Struggle

I became a one-sided freak show. I didn't know which side was which. The blurry eyes and foggy brain of mine were clouded with a mist that crept into my body. The devil was present and in full effect. he knew what he was doing and was so good at getting his way and ruining lives, he didn't even deserve to have his name capitalized in a sentence. This is how it works. The devil will show you something good or even great that makes you feel good. he will slowly and easily lure you into his lair, and then it's too late. There is no rock bottom, because a wise man once told me everybody bottom has a trap door. Drugs will take you until you die and then it effects the ones who love you and your family after you are dead. And then your family's family.

This is my story from Saturday night until Sunday night. I need not say more about it because relapse is not elaborate.

Today, God brought my neighbor to me. God has been speaking to me through people for about six weeks now. "Find someone worth dying for and live for them, " is what my neighbor told me that really stuck out. This is was Jesus Christ did. If you are an addict or not please re-read that quote. And then read it again. He also showed me a video to check out. Again, please watch this. And then watch it again. I'm listening to it right now as I type. It's making me cry as I type this sentence.

Right now this second I am thinking about my son. About how I used to hold him to my chest when he was a baby and feel an aura of love and happiness. My neighbor reminded me of that feeling and I still get that feeling when I hug him the little I get to see him now. But if I go to jail or die, that feeling will be gone for both of us.

ISAIAH 40:27-31

Why do you say, O Jacob, and complain, O Israel, My way is hidden from the Lord; my cause is disregarded by my God"? Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth, He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom, He gives strength to the weary, and young men stumble and fall but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

While I was in the middle of this blog I began to speak in tongues. This is the first time this has ever happened to me. I never believed in tongues nor have wanted to speak in tongues. I started to get a feeling in my heart kind of like a sensation. I closed my eyes and began to speak in tongues and I kept feeling an incredible sensation going through my body. At first it felt like the feeling you get when you get high but it was a thousand times more powerful. God You are not made up, You are real. I can not deny You Lord, nor will I give up on You. Thank You God, Lord Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit. Thank You for showing me the high I get from the drugs will go away and that Your love is much more powerful than the devil's false hopes. Thank You for showing me Your love is everlasting.